A Critical Change

Is it possible to entirely change in a year? Everything is different. The things I cared about seem really trivial now. I was so crazy about music, dance and yoga. It all vanished into thin air. I don’t know whether it was the medicines that I take or the sudden realization of reality staring me in the face. Sooner or later I had to spend hours studying to even pass, and work towards doing something that would actually result in some earnings. I must say I had a very different outlook in life up until a year ago. It was made up of dreams and passions that are too good to be real. I tried. I tried to start my own business, to unsuccessfully write a book, to get into modelling and what not. Sometimes just dreams are not enough. Real talent is needed. Real effort and time is needed. Here, I am, going day after day to attend lectures and still unsure whether I want a desk job or something that would make me want to give up on sleeping because life is too good to be true. I went out with a lot of people. But in the end, only the company of my heartbeat gave me peace. Solitude. A place where no one watches you, no one judges you, no one wrongs you. I did all I could to disobey my parents before. Now I seek their advice on almost everything. The rebel in me has died. Lots of you know I have changed, Lots of you think it is just an act. Some seem to applaud it, that I have finally grown up, and become like the rest of the world. The others miss the spark I had. I miss the spark I had too. But it wasn’t real, it was just a picture of the world that I had created inside my head. It is so much tougher out there. Life isn’t rosy all the time. Every five year old wants to be an astronaut or a pilot. But then comes a time when you are told what to do…if not by somebody then by the world. To follow your passion you should either be a man of courage or be a fool.  I fall in neither of these categories. I guess my hobbies will remain hobbies…but I will not leave any chance of learning more about them. I hope I find my missing spark somewhere in this darkness, before it is too late…

https://wordpress.com/post/curiousitygotmecom.wordpress.com/2945<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/critical/”>Critical</a&gt;

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2 thoughts on “A Critical Change

  1. This was tough to read. I can understand the way you’re feeling right now. Although finding that zeal is really hard, I think continuously living in the present has helped me find my groove back into wanting to live again. Sure, there were days when I felt really down and just so out of my own self that I question every decision I’ve made because it seemed like it wasn’t me… (although they weren’t bad, they just felt ‘not me’) constantly pushing forward and finding the good in the little things, really. It’s what I noticed every day after that. I noticed how much I had missed out on because I was too fixated on certain aspects of my life. I hope you find your spark soon too. Life is not race, it’s a journey. All the best to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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