You Are All You Have

My heart yearns for deep meaningful conversations, the ones where you can say what you are too afraid to say. I wish for those kind of friendships that are unadulterated by judgment, flirting and hesitance. I must say I have grown tired of people’s expectations in return for just listening to you. Maybe therapists are better, at least you can talk your heart out, in exchange for money. Everything can be bought today, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but today despite having so many people to “ping” on social media, I feel alone. What happened to phone calls and actual get togethers? What happened to childhood friendships? I mean we are so far apart that we are just Facebook friends now. That is it maybe. A sign that we have become adults. You know why I write? It is therapy. It is like talking to a friend, talking to your own soul. I don’t want to take someone else’s time only to be told off, which has been happening quite a lot recently. It is easy to call someone negative and say “why do you think so much? Just chill.” But you know something is wrong when those very thoughts zap you out in the day and make you toss and turn in your sleep. The fears. The fear of being alone. Fear of exams and failing. Fear of being used. The fear of the future. Am I really alive? I constantly fiddle with my phone to distract myself. Hours pass and I have done nothing, except that even that has made me feel tired. Welcome to the life of a generally anxious person. “Ab main kitna sunu Yaar?” You and your problems…that is when I suck it up and shut my mouth. But my brain won’t shut down. Maybe being by myself is the best thing I can do for the world has no place for people who constantly seek support. You are all you have.

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